I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
