stop calling my apartment porn island.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
