did you get engaged???
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
