hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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