I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
