so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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