I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
