gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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