Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
