The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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