Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
