need another drink. this is the easiest way
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
