So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
