the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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