I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize