omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
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I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
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Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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