just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
