I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
