I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
