We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
