I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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