so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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