Sry I called you an 8
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
