the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
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walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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