I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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