My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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