He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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