I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
