I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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