I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
