Where is the hickey?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
