A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
