Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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