he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
