You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize