i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
