Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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