I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
