this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
