i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
