I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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