God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
