walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
