yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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