We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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