She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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