That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
