I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
