No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
