There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
