I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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