I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
