You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
