My girlfriend figured out who you are.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
