We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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