The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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