Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize