How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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