it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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