Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
